If it’s only me, I could say in thousand ways that I love you so much.
I could choose to do unimaginable things just to keep us in touch,
For you are in every song I hear; you are in every poem I write.
You are in every love quotes and stories I read and fantasize.
You are in every romantic movie I watch.
Every day, I miss how your hand locks with mine
While we watch all those movies until the very last credit line.
My forehead skin aches for your sweet kisses every night
As our frames and limbs intertwine.
Up to now, I am still amazed at how my frail body and your fleshy one fit just right.
However, the sunny parts of love stories have to come and pass;
Once in a while, happy endings are not meant to forever last.
We tried to keep our music playing, I kept wishing upon shooting stars.
And kept begging to GOD to give it another try, to give us another chance.
But how can good harmony be played from broken strings of two broken hearts?
My love, you chose to break my heart because you want to be better.
It was hard for me to accept that we cannot be together.
Our love is failing and we are falling apart.
Even if we sacrificed a lot to have gone this far,
It wasn’t enough to keep us intact.
And as far as I can tell, I’m not the one in your heart anymore.
I do not hunt your mind every day like before.
You no longer light up my phone every single night;
I am no longer the one you want to hug so tight.
Our constant conversations are lost and gone;
I am left behind seeing you have moved on.
I’m enclosed with this walls preventing me from being with you again.
I’m breaking my own heart to keep myself hidden from you,
But it’s going to be a lose-lose situation if I choose not to.
I’d rather let you live and keep you being alive,
Than choosing to keep in touch and we will hurt each other as much.
I want to be with you and kiss you in both sunny and stormy days.
I want to cuddle with you until the very last movie on our watch list.
I want to watch and criticize with you every recital and every concert you take me to.
I want to star gaze and have long and unending pillow talks with you under a blue moon.
I want to dance with you with our favorite songs playing on.
I want to write and play music with you like we used to do.
I tried holding on even on simple things like being friends,
But the harder I close my grip, the easier my fingers slip;
I’m counting every finger I used to hold on to this magic we created.
It’s funny because I must say, for once, I’ve gotten to believe in magic;
But there are always greater things magic cannot break.
I’m down to my last finger, one last chance to say:
This is it. I love you and I thank you for everything. Alas, this is the end.
N: I wrote this in June last year, 2016. I lost my hard drive November of the same year. I only saved a few of my original spoken and ‘unspoken’ poetry pieces. This is one of them. Thanks to my phone.
I wrote this a few weeks before ‘his’ birthday. I was supposed to perform this on stage and or put it online but I lost my nerve. With everything that came up after, I decided to move this to trash. Yet, as I read and recite this piece again and again, I realized it was then a premonition or something.
Nevertheless, I’m deeply heartbroken at the loss of my hard drive (which was converted to an external device, FYI) and thought that the person who took it might have stumbled upon my literary and music pieces. Mahirap na. It would be plagiarism on that person’s part and fiasco on mine. I wrote this with my heart and I couldn’t afford some thieving monkey getting the credit.